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As a beginning psychology student, almost every course opens with the reminder that we are only first-year students and should not project everything we learn onto ourselves or those around us. Nevertheless, I thought about how one might connect various shifting theories to the eternal Torah. In Parshat Emor, we find the section of the festivals (Moadot), which is also read on the first day of Sukkot and during the intermediate days of Passover. I will attempt to link Bowlby’s Attachment Theory to the development of the Three Pilgrimage Festivals—moving from the personal-familial dimension, through the national standing, to the universal dimension.
First impressions impact us greatly and are difficult to change. It is not for nothing that in teacher training, we were told to think very carefully about what we say and our level of strictness before entering a classroom for the first time, as it can set the tone for the entire year. If first impressions carry such weight in interpersonal relationships, the psychologist John Bowlby argued that when we are born, our “first impression” of our first human connection in the world profoundly affects our self-confidence and our trust in others.
According to Bowlby, when we are cared for during the first year of our lives—for example, being fed or changed most of the times we need help—two things happen:
We understand that we have an impact on the world (our actions cause a reaction).
We learn that we are worthy of a connection and that our environment can be trusted.
At the beginning of the Book of Exodus, we are defined as a nation for the first time by Pharaoh: “Behold, the people of the children of Israel are many.” However, the beginning of the people of Israel is as slaves. There is a certain irony in the fact that the name of the book is Shemot (Names), because slaves are those whose names are not called; they lose their unique identity.
We find a Midrashic description where families almost disintegrated. When Amram saw that “every son that is born you shall cast into the river,” he intended to separate from his wife. But Miriam saved the families by arguing, among other things, that Amram’s actions would serve as a personal example for the entire nation, leading everyone to divorce their wives. In other words, the initial experience of the Israelites as a nation was that of a slave feeling fear and uncertainty, and most importantly, the near-total loss of the family unit, leading to profound loneliness.
However, in Chapter 12, a new beginning for the nation emerges. First, there is the commandment to sanctify the month—a sort of new counting of time. Subsequently, the Israelites are commanded regarding the Passover sacrifice, which must be eaten at home, together with (at least) the family. This is an attempt to renew the familial bond. The following commandment is to tell the story of the Exodus—to strengthen the intergenerational bond through storytelling and asking questions. This new beginning of counting time and reuniting the family unit is the source for strengthening the private and familial identity that forms the foundation for the next stage: standing in a wider circle—the national circle.
One could suggest that the period of the Omer count reflects a transition process from the place of receiving security from familial attachment toward standing in a broader circle. In Shavuot, at the time of the Giving of the Torah, the people of Israel stand as a nation in a national event and receive the Torah together—”as one man with one heart.” The Torah is intended not only for individuals or families but for the entire nation.
Finally, the holiday of Sukkot is an exit from the comfort zone, both physically and metaphorically. On one hand, we leave our permanent houses for temporary dwellings (Sukkah); on the other, we officially invite the different nations to offer sacrifices, as written in the Book of Zechariah: “And it shall come to pass, that every one that is left of all the nations which came against Jerusalem shall even go up from year to year to worship the King, the Lord of hosts, and to keep the feast of tabernacles” (14:16).
Another hint to this can be found in the seventy bulls offered as a Musaf sacrifice throughout Sukkot, hinting at the seventy nations of the world. The ability to stand with confidence alongside the nations of the world in an international standing arrives as the third stage in the process.
To summarize, we have attempted to link Bowlby’s Attachment Theory—which emphasizes the importance of the “beginning” in our lives in shaping our future relationships—to the national journey. Similarly, as a nation, we began our Secure Attachment as a family at the start of Exodus Chapter 12, strengthened the bond as a nation on Shavuot, and reached Sukkot where we step out of our comfort zone into an international standing.
Because our story and the process we underwent are planted within us, we feel comfortable in our own presence even while standing with the rest of the world. Nevertheless, at the end of Sukkot, there is Shmini Atzeret. After standing with the other nations, we return for one day to be “just the nation” again. As the Lubavitcher Rebbe explains: when the Midrash says regarding Shmini Atzeret, “Your parting is difficult for Me,” it does not mean that it is difficult for God that we are parting from Him (for we continue to pray to Him). Rather, it is difficult for God that we, the people of Israel, are parting from one another. In other words, even when we have a secure attachment and know how to stand together with the rest of the world, it is important to return and strengthen the bond within the nation.
